Very detailed and riveting beginning. Keep up the good work and this story will be be great. This is definetly better than anything i could write.
Now, i think i might have found a few minor errors. However don't trust my judgement, i'm not the best at english. ;)
I mentioned a few minor errors, below, that i thought were wrongly worded.:)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unknown
As he sat there, slumped on the dirt ridden floor. A piece of glass had caught his eye, he picked it up and examined himself within its reflection.
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The "As" at the beginning of the sentence should be removed, just read over it, it'll be worded better. Or just combine the first and second sentences as the following:
"As he sat there, slumped on the dirt ridden floor, a piece of glass caught his eye. He picked it up an examined himself within its reflection."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unknown
He was tall broad and wide shouldered & his hair was as black as oil. Luke looked stunned, as if he had no clue about who he was.
He turned away not wanting to look at himself, his loss of memory was to much to handle.
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As stated earlier, you Just need to work on that first sentence. Example:
"He was tall, broad, whide shouldered and his hair was as black as oil."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unknown
After scanning the area he found a radio. He pulled at the radio phone and spoke into it, 'H- h- h- hello?'
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First sentence need's a comma. Example:
"After scanning the area, he found a radio."